anxious

We sat down at the table.
“Dont look her in the eyes. Dont speak. I dont want to live”.
These thoughts passed my mind while we waited for the waitress.
I felt uncomfortable.
I tried to escape from this world and be apart from our group, my gaze going distant. Avoiding to take part in their conversations. Just saying a word if I had to, because secretly I wanted to vanish and nobody should acknowledge my existence by forcing me to return to the real world.

I knew it was my anxiety but it is still exhausting every single time.